Forty Phobia
Was I heading for the same fate as my ancestors? It was a fact that in my family, when a woman reached 40, she changed. I mean she c-h-a-n-g-e-d! Like Dr. Jekyll to Mrs. Hyde. The facts were there and so was my family history.
"Why, take little Aunt Clara for example", said Dad. "As soon as she "turned" 40, she became weird. Some days she flew around the house like a 98-pound cyclone equipped with the temper and snarly disposition of a Tasmanian devil. She scrubbed, dusted and soaked everything in sight, from wall to wall, and floor to ceiling, totally unforgiving to anyone or anything disrupting this frenzy of hyper-activity."
"And poor Aunt Bella. Well, one day past 40 and she wasn't the same anymore. That's when her husband left her", they said. Stories like these ran on and on through the branches of our family tree and frightened our women for generations.
I feared the approach of age 40. "Whatever would I be like then?" I wondered. Well, I was soon to find out because the BIG 40 was right around the bend.
I was prepared for the worst. Aside from having nightmares of becoming a human white tornado, I imagined my breasts would sag down to my kneecaps...overnight; that upon "turning" 40, my hair would fall out and that automatically, my expensively cared for teeth would follow. Of course, what man on earth could love and admire a woman in such condition, so with the hair and the teeth, out went the husband too. Here I was in this imaginary "turning" of the ages bald, toothless and alone. With these impending abominations preying on my still youthful mind (I would not admit to "turning" before my time), it was with astonishment that I greeted THE DAY.
Upon arising, I examined my body in a full-length mirror. It was obvious that my physical attributes, such as they were, were still intact. Oh! glory of glories, one small ominous cloud lifted.
The sun began to filter through when one of my oldest and dearest friends presented me with a prize dahlia from her garden. From one female soon to join the club to another. The sentiment hit me right in the emotional reserve.
The sun shone throughout and when I got home that night, I could truthfully say I felt something different. I felt brighter and lighter. I had arrived! And with this came a feeling of new-found freedom.
As I walked in the kitchen door, I found hubby at the counter moulding a huge mound of hamburgers into patties. He greeted me with greasy hands and a birthday kiss then suggested I make a few quick salads as we were having a dozen people over for a birthday B.B.Q. party for me.
Did I say freedom two paragraphs ago? Yes, I did! And it was with pleasure and gusto that I dove into preparations for my 40th birthday bash.
The party was a success, due largely of course, to my good nature and sense of humour since the gifts I received would have sent a more depressed person into the first old-age home available.
My Dad, bless his 70 years and his yoga classes, presented me with a pair of support hose and a hand-carved walking cane and the friend, who had earlier in the day, brought me a dahlia gave me a tube of poli-grip. At this point, I broke out into such uncontrollable laughter, I thought I'd need to change from my sensible cotton briefs into geriatric Pampers. Other testimonials from my wiseacre friends included 12-hour anti-wrinkle cream, haemorrhoid ointment and a jar of extra-strength Ovaltine. But the climax came when hubby brought in the cake. It was in the shape of a giant set of false choppers, all lit up with, you guessed it, 40 candles.
As I sat there among my friends eating a rose-decorated molar with ice-cream filling, I sighed with relief as I realized that my fears were unfounded. I may be a step closer to old age but I wouldn't want to miss it for the world.
At that moment, someone noticed the philosophical look on my face and the whole group broke out in a TIM CONWAY SHUFFLE. So, what else could I do? I joined them.
This story was donated for posting by Denise Morin.
Denise's Bio: I am a poet and writer of children's stories, having written three major ones with one series included, but not finished (for a series can go on and on). I am rather universal in my spiritual beliefs. I study and teach meditation, visualization and philosophies from different religious / belief arenas. I believe that soul growth occurs with knowledge and acceptance of others in this universe.
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